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Women
& Safer Sex
All
sexually active women, particularly those whose
partners are at risk or who are unsure of their
partner’s sexual background, need to know about
ways of reducing the risk of contracting the
virus which can lead to AIDS.
Apart
from access to information, the degree of control
women have in sexual relationships with men
will seriously affect how able they are to reduce
their risk of HIV infection. For instance, a
man can choose to protect himself by wearing
a condom, but a woman has to ask a man to agree
to this. Communication is vital to safe sex.
It is important that you say what you want,
and negotiate what you can do together. Many
women will find this a difficult thing to do.
We don’t have a language for talking about sex
that is easy to use. It’s often hard to find
words that are too medical or offensive, particularly
as many are used in a derogatory way about women.
Women are often taught to be afraid and ashamed
of sex. We often feel guilty if we talk about
sex and what gives us pleasure. Some women may
not feel able to talk about sex with their male
partner, especially at the start of a sexual
relationship, perhaps because they would feel
too embarrassed or are afraid of how he would
react. For instance, they may be afraid of being
rejected by their partner or that he might leave
them or in some cases, become violent. There
may be economic or cultural reasons why a woman
may not feel that she has much say over what
happens in bed. Within some marriages, for example,
sex may almost be a bargain, part of what a
husband expects of a wife in return for supporting
her and any children they might have. It’s unrealistic
and, to some extent, irresponsible to advise
women to practise safer sex, without first acknowledging
the problems and conflicts so many women face
in taking charge of their sexuality. Women get
raped and sexually abused. Women often have
difficulty even getting their male partners
to agree to use a condom, let alone abandon
the idea that sex equals intercourse.
Beliefs
about how women and men are expected to behave
sexually also are important. Whilst for boys
sexual experience is valued, this is not the
case for girls. A girls who is ‘prepared’ for
sex (e.g by carrying condoms) is often perceived
to be a ‘loose’ woman, on the look-out for sex.
We don’t talk about boys being slags if they
’sleep around’, but if girls do this they risk
their reputation. Similarly, a girl who suggests
using a condom or mutual masturbation or other
forms of non-penetrative sex also risks her
reputation, as well as possibly losing her boyfriend.
She
may, for instance, be blamed for making the
man feel sexually inadequate because she has
gone beyond her expected role in taking the
sexual initiative.
Clearly
for many women, both young and old, the facts
will not be enough. Knowing about how to prevent
HIV infection is not the same as being able
to put that knowledge into practice. For this
reason, sex education should not just be about
providing information. What is also needed are
ways to help women feel more assertive and say
what they expect and want from sex.
Equally,
If more men had a different attitude to sex
women would not have to ask their male partners
to wear condoms or consider alternatives to
penetration. What is also required, therefore,
are ways to encourage men to consider the risks
of sex and not leave the responsibility for
the safety of sex up to women. Undoubtedly,
this will not be easy. The majority of men have
not had to think about the consequences of their
sexual behaviour, for themselves, in any serious
way before, while women have always had to
Although
there is no reason to believe that men are incapable
of making changes in their sexual behaviour,
many men will be reluctant to do so. The reasons
for this are complex and relate to the meanings
attached to sex. As part of the social construction
of male sexuality, many men come to believe
that sex is both more important and more uncontrollable
for them than it is for women, that men and
not women should take the sexual initiative
, and that what counts as having sex is penetration
of the vagina by the penis. In addition to this,
having sex, but more especially having intercourse,
is seen as a central aspect of being masculine
and male. One reason therefore why men, both
heterosexual and gay, may be unwilling to alter
their sexual behaviour in the light of AIDS
is that such changes would represent a threat
to their identity. Another possible reason is
that they do not see safe sex as erotic, and
assume they won’t enjoy it. While some men may
be willing to agree that satisfying sex need
not imply intercourse, others will not. For
them safe sex may seem dull or uninteresting
sex, a poor substitute for the ‘real thing’,
which would impose too many restrictions on
their sexual pleasure. Men who think this have
a lot to learn about sex, not least that defining
sex only as penetration is very limiting.
Whilst
it may not be easy to change sexual habits,
clearly it is possible. Studies of gay men (in
the west) indicate that over the last few years
they have changed their sexual practices in
the light of AIDS. If gay men, many of whom
are unfamiliar with using condoms for contraceptive
reasons, can change then so too can heterosexual
men.
Unlike
gay men, many heterosexual men lack the motivation
to change. They either don’t see AIDS as affecting
them. Even if many heterosexual men many not
seem to be at risk from AIDS, many heterosexual
women are at risk from unwanted pregnancies,
cervical cancer and other sexually transmitted
diseases through unprotected intercourse. As
far as women’s health is concerned using a condom
makes a great deal of sense. Safe sex porn and
erotica, are examples of attempts being made
to change sexual attitudes and behaviour among
men. In particular, they may enable them to
realise that safer sex can be fun, exciting,
and satisfying.
Apart
from selling the idea of safer sex, using a
condom will also have to be ‘sold’ to men through
public advertisements on television and radio,
in cinemas and in newspapers and magazines.
As some manufacturers have associated wearing
a condom with being macho. For example in the
United States slogans such as ‘I like my Miller
Lite and my condom tight’ or ’Are you man enough
for safe sex?’ represent a similar attempt to
appeal to a desire among men to prove themselves
to be masculine. This may persuade some men
to sue condoms, it will not however challenge
the fundamental association of masculinity and
sexual performance, which is at the very root
of women’s sexual oppression.
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Below
is a list of different ways of having sex. Some
activities are described as safe sex and carry
little or no risk of the virus being passed
from one person to another. Others are marked
possibly risky because they carry some risk
of transmitting the virus, although not as much
risk as the types of sexual practises listed
as high-risk
Safe
sex
Massage
Hugging
Kissing
Hand
and or finger to genital contact if there
are no cuts or open sore on your hands
Wet
sex with a condom
Body
to body rubbing
Sex
toys, providing that they are not shared
Body
kissing (away from the genital region)
Mutual
masturbation
Sharing
sexual fantasies
Any
sexual activities that do not involve the
exchange of body fluids
Possibly
Risky
Oral
sex (cunniligus) by a man to a woman ( or
woman to woman), especially during period.
using a latex barrier may reduce the risk
Vaginal
intercourse with a condom
Anal
intercourse with a condom
Oral
sex by a woman to a man (fellatio)
Semen,
urine or faeces in the mouth, vagina or rectum
Sharing
sex toys used for penetration with cleaning
or using condoms.
High
Risk
Dry
sex with or without condom
Wet
sex without a condom
Vaginal
intercourse without a condom
Anal
intercourse without condom
Any
type of blood contact (including menstrual
blood)
EXPLORING
OTHER WAYS OF ENJOYING SAFE SEX
So
much talk about HIV/AIDS and ‘Risky Sex’ but
this doesn’t mean no more sex. It means being
aware of the many ways of having sex safely.
This doesn’t no more fun either, although you
may enjoy intercourse, you certainly don’t need
to do this to have great sex. Safer sex is an
opportunity to improve our sex lives by exploring
new ways of making love. use your imagination,
the possibilities for safer sex are practically
endless. Below is a list of different activities
which are believed to carry little or no risk
of HIV being passed from one person to another.
Hugging
Massage
Cuddling
kissing.
The only time when kissing might transmit
the virus would be through French (deep or
tongue )kissing where large amounts of saliva
are exchanged. Even then, the risk is likely
to be very low unless the saliva contains
blood. While the virus has been found in saliva,
there are no reports of people being infected
through kissing.
Body-to-body
rubbing. Some people have orgasms by rubbing
against each other’s bodies. A woman may arouse
herself and reach orgasm by rubbing her clitoris
against her partner’s thigh or arm. As long
as there are no cuts or breaks in the skin
this is safe. It is also considered safe if
a man ejaculates onto a woman’s body , providing
that his semen does not come into contact
with the vulva and there are no cuts or breaks
in the skin. cover up any cuts or open sores
on the body or hands with waterproof plasters.
Penis
rubbed between thighs or breasts
Touching
your own genitals
Sucking
a man’s nipples
Masturbation.
Masturbation, whether on your own or with
someone else, is a good way of experiencing
sexual pleasure. It is the way many women,
even during intercourse, reach orgasm. ‘Mutual
masturbation’ is where both partners stimulate
the other’s genitals with their hands, The
risk of transmitting HIV this way is very
low. to avoid infection through cuts or sores
on your hands, a man wearing a condom will
reduce that risk of you coming into contact
with the semen containing the virus.
Using
a water-based lubricant containing nonoxynol-9
will increase sensation as well as adding a
further layer of protection for men who stimulates
a women’s genitals with their hands as long
as he ensures the woman is not menstruating
and has no open sore or cuts on his hands.
Showering
or bathing together
Sharing
sexual fantasies
Caressing
and fondling each other
Sex
talk
Touching
a woman’s breasts and nipples or touching
a man’s chest and nipples.
Watching
each other masturbate
Body
kissing. Kissing your partner’s body carries
little risk of acquiring HIV providing there
are no breaks in the skin and can be extremely
enjoyable.
Sucking
on the nipples of a woman (providing she is
not lactating or otherwise secreting).
Any
activities that do not draw blood or involve
body fluids which can transmit the virus coming
into contact with body openings or breaks
in the skin.
Far
from being a restrictive influence, safe sex
may encourage new ways of making love which
broaden our enjoyment of sex and therefore will
not transmit any sexually transmitted diseases.
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